I was always outgoing when I was younger. I loved being on stage dancing, meeting new people and talking to everyone. I think that all changed really after my anxiety diagnosis. I really worry about talking to new people and making new friends. Public speaking terrifies me and I hate eye contact.
When I was in sixth form I had a large group of friends, granted it took me a year to pluck up the courage to talk to them, but they were, and still are, my friends. I also still remain close to quite a few of my friends from high school and before. This made me think that when I got to university I would make new friends easily, but that wasn’t the case.
At university, a lot of people met people in their accommodation from their course and became close friends with them, but as I still lived at home, I couldn’t meet friends that way. I was very lucky that on the second day, I met two girls in my tutorial group and we just clicked. We got on really well and one of them still lived at home too! I thought, ‘This is great, I’ve got friends, I like the course!” A couple of weeks in and my friend that lived at home decided the course wasn’t for her and she decided to change courses and moved to a different college. This was what she wanted and I wish her all the best on her new course.
A few days later, my other friend met a another girl on our course, through societies (whilst I was ill) and since then it has been the three of us. Don’t get me wrong, I talk to other people, but I don’t know them well enough to call them friends yet. It worried me a bit when I saw other people with loads of new friends, but then I realised I would rather have two close friends than 10 acquaintances that I only know a bit about.
This week, my friend I met on the second day has decided that she wants to move universities next year, for personal reasons. I don’t resent her because if I was in her position, I would probably do the same. However, the whole situation has got me worried about what will happen next year and how will me and my one other uni friend get on. At the moment, I’m trying to concentrate on things to look forward to, like a home friend’s birthday celebrations on Friday, the football on Saturday and a 5 Seconds of Summer concert at Easter, but I can’t help worrying about what will happen in September…