General Life Update

Apologies for neglecting this blog for so long but a lot has happened in the last few months. Sooooo, here goes…

In the lead up to my exams I wasn’t really going into university because I was anxious about going in and a bit annoyed about how I was being dealt with and I felt lonely realising I only had one friend on my course next year. I also found out I was iron deficient at the start of the year and that was making me super tired. So, I self-taught myself about 8 weeks of work and sat my exams and somehow passed them (I genuinely don’t know how).

When I had finished my exams I went on holiday and had my birthday just before that and I was really happy because all my friends were home. After my holiday it sort of hit me- all my friends go back to uni in September and I’m going to be all alone all day. I’ve started to get quite low about this because I’m really stressed that they’re all so clear on what they want to do and I have no clue. I know I’m taking a year out for the next year, but in the meantime I need a job and it’s stressing me out. This isn’t helped by the fact that, once again, I am tired all the time, but this time I’m Vitamins D and B12 deficient. It’s all so stressful and I just wish I had a set out plan 😦

So I’m now going in to the next year with no plan, no job and unable to get one until I get better. Current mood- scared, confused, sad, anxious, stressed…

Uni Struggles

I was always outgoing when I was younger. I loved being on stage dancing, meeting new people and talking to everyone. I think that all changed really after my anxiety diagnosis. I really worry about talking to new people and making new friends. Public speaking terrifies me and I hate eye contact.

When I was in sixth form I had a large group of friends, granted it took me a year to pluck up the courage to talk to them, but they were, and still are, my friends. I also still remain close to quite a few of my friends from high school and before. This made me think that when I got to university I would make new friends easily, but that wasn’t the case.

At university, a lot of people met people in their accommodation from their course and became close friends with them, but as I still lived at home, I couldn’t meet friends that way. I was very lucky that on the second day, I met two girls in my tutorial group and we just clicked. We got on really well and one of them still lived at home too! I thought, ‘This is great, I’ve got friends, I like the course!” A couple of weeks in and my friend that lived at home decided the course wasn’t for her and she decided to change courses and moved to a different college. This was what she wanted and I wish her all the best on her new course.

A few days later, my other friend met a another girl on our course, through societies (whilst I was ill) and since then it has been the three of us. Don’t get me wrong, I talk to other people, but I don’t know them well enough to call them friends yet. It worried me a bit when I saw other people with loads of new friends, but then I realised I would rather have two close friends than 10 acquaintances that I only know a bit about.

This week, my friend I met on the second day has decided that she wants to move universities next year, for personal reasons. I don’t resent her because if I was in her position, I would probably do the same. However, the whole situation has got me worried about what will happen next year and how will me and my one other uni friend get on. At the moment, I’m trying to concentrate on things to look forward to, like a home friend’s birthday celebrations on Friday, the football on Saturday and a 5 Seconds of Summer concert at Easter, but I can’t help worrying about what will happen in September…

me and jade
One of my bestest friends and I are going to see 5sos at Easter, which is something to look forward to

First Post

This is my first post, so I don’t know what I’m doing but here goes. I’m an 18 year old girl from the UK. I like seeing my friends and listening to music, like most girls my age. I love my family and I’m studying at uni for a degree in maths (which probably makes me a bit nerdy but I don’t mind). Although I feel like a typical teen most of the time, some of the time I feel anything but. My problem is my anxiety. I find myself feeling stressed, on edge and upset, so when I’m going through a bad patch I can feel very alone. I decided to start a blog because when I was first diagnosed with panic disorder, I knew no-one with my condition and felt like no-one understood it or how I felt. Starting this blog is really to try and help other young people with anxiety realise that they’re not alone…